Pic on front: Banksy

“To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours. To be organised and efficient, to live wisely, we must delay gratification and keep an eye on the future; yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive, to live in the present and act spontaneously.” Scott Peck

“Becki you’re so naïve” my friend uttered in response to my story. “I don’t think this is about naivity” I found myself arguing back. Or maybe I am.. I started to ponder. I’ve had quite a few reactions to this story.. ‘you should be careful’.. for example being the number one reaction. And I find myself wondering… what does that actually mean? 

It wasn’t too late, on a Wednesday evening.. I was on my way home from Church… (really I was, I’m not trying to make myself sound all angelical or anything but I was) and was only going a few stops.. so I left my book in my bag. My gaze wandered up the carriage I was travelling in. It was pretty empty. Not a lot to look at.

My eyes momentarily fell on a cute guy.. who was looking my way but a blink and a tube declaration broke the interaction. Thinking nothing of it I exited.. and started to make the short walk home up the platform and through the ticket gates.

As I walked through I noticed the guy from the tube behind me – and as I exited the tube station.. he made a curve and landed right in front of me..

”Erm… I noticed you on the tube.. and I don’t usually do this.. “ he started..

…. “but I saw you and I well I’m a personal trainer but I also suffer low self esteem” he continued.. he appeared to be shaking. Strange opening line I thought. “Awwww”… my stupid ass emotional naïve side kicked in…

“and I was wondering well if I could take your number and maybe we could meet up for a coffee sometime..”.. he continued.

“Erm”.. I looked at him as we stood outside the tube. He seems sweet enough I found myself thinking as he stared (slightly up) at me with his wide eyes. He was a good looking chap.. the spitting image of Jake Gyllenhaal.

So I gave him my number. And then..we exchanged a few texts.. but then things started to get.. a…little creepy..

Anyway shortly after that. I fell asleep. The next day.. I received some whatsapp messages..

My response being delayed…(he seemed to be way too into this ‘following’ malarkey for my liking) before I knew it… a picture (or two) of his penis landed in my whatsapp messages. He just couldn’t wait could he. In my actual text messages was a rant about how ‘fat’ I am..(bad speller must of meant phat) and that I’m a ‘typical’ ignorant English girl. And then another whatsapp message telling me how beautiful I am. Ahh how romantic!!?! Oh and let’s not forget the phone call from a private number with some heavy breathing. Great. A complete and utter weirdo.

What a huge shame his personality didn’t match his exterior. But what is my point? Well.. with all the ‘should be careful’ comments I wondered.. how careful am I supposed to be? With dating having evolved into an online affair with numerous dating apps such as Tinder, E-Harmony, Match.. where swapping numbers is a prerequisite to meeting… and maybe dating… life is about occasionally taking a risk.

I went through various emotions after this experience. But the one I was mainly surprised by was guilt. And the shame. Of giving out my number. Well.. if you will give your number to strange men.. 

“Many of us heard from our parents, “Boys will be boys, so girls must take care” the message being that we can avoid unwanted male attention if only we are careful enough. If anything goes wrong, it must be our fault.” http://www.feminist.com/resources/ourbodies/viol_blame.html

But of course I do agree we all must be ‘careful’ in life. Gut instinct does not always ring true on a first meeting. And I believe people say ‘be careful’ out of care. But.. sometimes I wonder if we are actually aware of what meaning we are really sending out with our words?

“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn’t matter if only we could prevent girls from being girls.” Anne Frank

Hmmmm. Have a good week.. BeckiBx

ohDearyme

Artist on front: Sophie La Berre ‘High Heels’

“I’m on a roll and it’s time to go solo!

Rollin in my 5 0…

With my ragtop down so my hair can blow.

The girlies on standby…

Waving just to say hi…

Did you stop?? No, I just drove by…

Kept on pursuing to the next stop…

I busted a left and I’m heading to the next block…

That block was dead” Vanilla Ice

For the sake of this dating diary I’m going to talk about the subject of ‘floaters’… we all know the type.. he never really asks you out – he just floats…in the social stratosphere – sending a text/whatsapp/fb message occasionally ‘hey sexy!’… lacking in cyberethics… he ‘likes’ every ladies picture he sees… just to see what he can get his ‘hands’ on… yep girls we all know the type right? (And I’m interested – do guys have floaters too from the opposite sex?).

So…he’ll occasionally send you a message telling you that you look sexy and hot in your latest facebook picture… and you resist saying… “yep I know and in the words of MC Hammer “you can’t touch this..” because I’m “Ice Ice Baby”… “

Because you don’t want to appear arrogant…realising that there’s a fine line between this fashionable ‘I love myself’ ‘self love’ chat of recent years and er… arrogance. So you just say.. ‘thanks’.

“Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting” William Shakespeare, Henry V.

So a few weeks back I had a whatsapp message from an ole floater I know.

“Hey sexy! Fancy coming over to mine today”.

Maybe he wants to cook me dinner or something? I think..

“What for?” I reply. A few minutes trot by as I daydream of a nice Sunday roast with glazed parsnips and…

“A cuddle.. its freezing here”. Nice way to put it I guess.

“Ok what’s your address?” I ask. Which he promptly sends over..

“Ok I’ll be about an hour…am on my way!” I enthuse… turning back to my never ending washing up. I should start wearing rubber gloves I start to ponder. Or get a dishwasher.. you know hands can reveal a ladies age?

Half an hour passes and I receive another message… “Where are you?” (I’m in a hot bath by now but I don’t tell him that) “I’ve just got to your station!” I reply.

“Actually I have to go out in an hour…” he says “You should……….. turn back!” he adds.

I lie back in the relaxing hot bath I’ve run myself and think. WTF..Omg. What if I was actually there! How awful would that have been! 

I quickly google his address and find a picture online of his local tube station and send it to him. 

“Too late! LOOK! I’m here! At your station! Come meet me!” I urge…

“Its too cold…hop on the bus to mine.” he replies. Tsk… I reflect.. this would be like the worst booty call ever I think to myself.

“No come meet me.” I answer…”I’ve come all this way!” trying at least to get him to leave his house.

Ten minutes later I receive another message… “where are you?” he asks.

“I’ve gone home…” I reply. With a sad smiley face 😉

Half an hour later my phone buzzes again… “Well done..!! I just found the photo of the tube stop you sent me on google!”

“Haha…” I reply… “bloody good job I didn’t come though isn’t it!”.

*Both parties leave the conversation with a touch of amusement. One realising that if he should ever booty call a girl to his house he risks her showing up and he should at least have the balls (and respect) to follow that through…and maybe add some extras in? The other happy that she never left the warm comfort of her reliable Molton Brown infused bubble bath…

Girls just wanna have fun.. but I think the reality of that story would not have been very fun.. oh Deary me.. 

‘Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” Veronica A. Shoffstall

Happy New Year – be safe, have fun and happy dating! Please send your dating submissions in – anonymous or whatever – will aim to post 🙂 

*Luv* Becki Bx

ohDearyme

This guy rocked up at the table me and a friend were sharing. He pulled up a seat and cheekily butted his head into the conversation my friend and I were having. He seemed like a nice enough fella so we took the amusement factor on board and involved him for five minutes. Asking for my number we stayed in touch for a few weeks via text message only. His initial contact being… ‘it’s so great to make new friends..’ ‘I’ll always be your friend’.. etc etc etc. Heavy usage on the ‘friend’ word there.

One day… I received a text..

“I am going to make love to you and you have no choice in the matter…haha bet that woke you up!”

He seemed a nice enough man so I assumed that basically he was just a bit thick.

“Erm…. isn’t that rape” I replied.

“Eh?” he replied. “No cos I am going to make love” he replied…(???)….“I was joking” he added. Weird kind of joke I thought.

Then a few hours later I received another text. “Let’s do lunch tomorrow!” he asked. I was unsure after his rapey message.

“Come on fanny fortress…it’s not like we’re about to get married” he pushed.

“Oh! I won’t bother then” I replied sarcastically. Adding.. “please don’t call me fanny fortress it’s disgusting…” to the end of the discussion.

“I was joking I am not going to censor myself round you” he replied.

And that was the end of that.

I’m not ignorant to the conversations men have with each other (online in forums or otherwise) and I expect he wanted a reaction from me that would be….more giggly?

But I didn’t trust this guy for the mind traps he was setting out.. ‘it’s nice to have a friend..’.. ie – if we ever ‘did’ anything he’d already laid his cards out on the table ‘I said I didn’t want more than that’ for example. But then followed it all up with texts containing words such as gorgeous, beautiful. i.e. – this guy was a bit of a player and I got the impression he was talking a lot of crap.

Also I think anyone should be able to ask assertively to not be called something which makes them feel uncomfortable.

Sometimes however, people don’t want to adhere to others boundaries or don’t like being pulled up on what they’ve said. But I get the feeling some guys just want to see how much they can get away with..

Oh…dear…yep whatevs..

ohDearyme