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DATING DIARY: TRAINS

I am sitting in a café having a chat with a girlfriend. Two men approach us.. “excuse me are you single?” one asks. “Er…” I look at my friend.. “maybe why?” he sits down opposite.

“Well.. there’s a talk tomorrow.. the guy who trained Neil Strauss (The Game) is in town for the weekend for a Love and Seduction workshop and we have more men than women attending. It’s usually seven hundred pounds… but would be free to you if you come? We want the other women who have paid to feel comfortable”. I’d heard of Neil Strauss. Of course I had! My old flat mate used to underline parts of the book! And my ex had also owned a copy which I had amusedly flicked through. “Usually seven hundred pounds eh…” I reply…

“Yeah this guy is the top of the chain when it comes to NLP” he says.

I am interested. And I want to see what it is about. “Ok why not.” I reply taking his card. I call two friends up. “So you wanna come to this dating tip thing tomorrow?” I ask them.

The next day we walk into a conference room and sit at the back. There is nothing unusual about the room. The guy at the front is giving out NLP (neuro linguistic programming) tips and his confidence and strong presentation skills are keeping the room engaged. “This is some people’s last hope…” the words sold to me ring in my ears. I look about the room. It is what you might imagine. And the men are hanging on every word that drip out of this trainer’s mouth. And so after not much happening and a bit of meditation we all head off to lunch. And my friend starts on the white wine glugging it down. When it is time to go back she insists on staying for another whilst we go see “the show”. It’s 2pm now and this conference is meant to last til 7. A girl comes on stage at the front and starts talking to the room. And the man who was previously teaching is now sitting in a corner wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses in a conference room. The girl at the front starts her speech.. she is young, attractive and has the rooms attention. She starts talking about how to relax a woman…’start by touching a woman’s back to make her feel more comfortable and at ease’ she says doing caressing hand movements. Everything is becoming snake like. And I decide I can’t listen to anymore. I pretend to head to the toilet making a sharp exit for the door.

An hour later I get a call from my friend. Pretty drunk…

“Beccccckkkkkiiiii!!!!!” she screams down the phone. Uh oh… I think…what’s happened…  “So…… I went back!!! Beckkiiii what the hell was that! I went back and I was sitting there and I asked the guy a question…” I am intrigued, “I asked him.. a question.. and he wouldn’t answer!!! So in front of the room I told him he was brainwashing people!! And.. they threw me out! They threw me OUT Becki for asking a goddamn question”. I am amused. And a part of me wishes I had seen this. And I suspect that there had been a little more to her angry drunken ramblings… which, whilst I don’t condone are quite understandable in the grand scheme of things. I am having a coffee with the guy who convinced us to go to the talk. He is telling me about the day game – and how men pay a lot of money to be shown around London and given tips on how to pick up… “this is some men’s last hope…” he tries to convince me.

A few weeks later I am on a train heading north. It is meant to be an hours trip but the train has been diverted and I have been stuck on it for three and a half hours. I am sitting in an empty carriage, dehydrated, irritated and feeling traumatized by the state of the trains toilets. It is like Armageddon in there. Why can they not just sort the toilets out? I am a great believer that it is the little comforts in life that carry you through…(not to get off the subject too much but seriously Richard Branson if you’re reading this – if I had kids.. how the heck would I manage to change my babies nappy in those things…how?).

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Ok moving swiftly on… a man gets on the train. I am sitting back in my seat now. I’m not in the toilet. I just want to set that straight. He looks about the empty carriage and decides to sit opposite me. I am reading ‘The End of My Addiction’ by Dr Olivier Ameisen. “Interesting book” he starts.. “must be really hard giving up…”

I decide which side of the fence to sit on with that remark and opt for the less personal… “Yeah must be awful.” I reply.

He starts to push for a conversation. “Where are you going, what do you do, who are you with…where have you trained.. if at all, how much money do you earn, will you go halves providing for our future children…” that kinda thing. Actually he never asked the last one but seriously… how much does he need to know, this was interrogation territory and I was… really thirsty so could only issue one word answers.

“This is really empty carriage..” I say. “And I’m really tired and thirsty” I politely push. I would describe myself as a sociable person, but there was something about his brash assumption of sitting opposite me that I didn’t warm to. A bunch of people get on at the next station. I busy myself with my phone sending a really interesting tweet “I’m on a train” to my twitter followers. I like to keep them engaged an all that.

The guy sitting opposite me is still asking me questions. I am about to go in for the kill and just ask him outright finishing this thing good and proper by just asking him if he is attempting to chat me up so I can get on with my book. I have to know how this man cures himself!

But he is rescued at the last minute… I hear my name being called. “OMG Becki!!!! Is that you? I just saw your tweet!!”.. I look to my left.. “Wow!!! What are the chances!!!” my excitement levels peak. Me ole chum Gina sitting literally in the next seat. The guy opposite me looks annoyed. He’s been blocked. And I’d been rescued. Phew.

FINAL THOUGHTS

But it’s a tough situation isn’t it. The girl doesn’t know if she’s being chatted up, the guy is trying to engage how much attraction there is. A part of me feels like a bit of an asshole (horrible word asshole isn’t it) by being so cruel to this man. But is it cruel? I’m sure this story could be met with “maybe he was a bit lonely, maybe he was just being nice, maybe maybe maybe…maybe a touch of arrogance there Becki?”. Yes maybe. But listen up girls. One day I was talking to a much older lady friend about what she felt she had learnt in her life.. and she turned to me and said “Oh god Becki.. naivety was my middle name”.

And so if you’re a young woman reading this there is one word I want you to learn…and it’s naivety; which means the tendency to believe too readily and therefore to be easily deceived.

And if you’re a guy and you want to meet a nice lady.. well I’m not sure there’s a cut and dry approach… learning to read signals and body language would be my first tip. And cutting to the chase.. faster conversations guys.. faster conversations..

And finally…. “When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” Diane Von Furstenberg

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“We’re just fragile machines programmed with a false sense of our own importance. And every now and then the universe sends a reminder that we don’t really matter to it…” Neil Strauss

pic from http://shootfromtheheart.tumblr.com/

Today is the day before Valentines Day. Traditionally a day in which lovers express their love/fondness/desire for one another. You might be sitting there wondering if you should make that gesture to that ‘special’ person out there. Or hoping that that ‘someone’ will make a move. I’ve lived in numerous houses with boys.. boys that would literally sit and underline sections of ‘The Game’ (seriously) and talk about the power of ‘negging’ (the art of picking up a girl by shaking their confidence). So I thought I would make a few pointers to playing nice on Valentines Day..

Firstly boys.. don’t moan about it being a commercially driven day. It pretty much ruins the whole idea of it – and you just come across as… tight. A gesture of attraction doesn’t have to cost the earth. As Gandhi puts it ‘A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave’.

Ladies – men are never too busy to get what they want. If he’s choosing not to put in the effort.. you deserve better.. Next!

Perhaps you’re being pursued by someone you’re not that into.. as the Dalai Lama puts it… Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. 

Or.. maybe *shock horror* you’ve just been dumped…. ‘One may have been a fool but there’s no foolishness like being bitter’ Kathleen Norri… pick yourself up, dust yourself off… The heart was made to be broken… Oscar Wilde

And finally.. It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone  Marilyn Monroe

This post is dedicated to one of the greatest singers of our time. Rest in peace – Whitney Houston… August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012

It’s all make believe, isn’t it? Marilyn Monroe

Have fun and play safe Becki Bx

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So you saw my blog post – Dating Tips..for men from my perspective.. (a girl duh). Well a few weeks ago I met a man in a queue whilst at the Genius Bar at the Mac store (it was a long wait). We became facebook friends and he liked my Dating Tips for Men so much he has come back to me (on my request) with a list of Dating Tips.. for all us lovely ladies… and actually the boy’s done good. So here is my first Guest Blogger on ohDearyme

Introducing.. Craig Glasgow’s Dating Tips For Girls

1) Don’t come to a date wearing anything that shows skin that ISN’T to be stared at.. This is a handy guide to remember when wondering “ohh what should I wear?”… we will evaluate anything we can see.

2) Don’t tell us “I’ve made some really bad choices/I seem to attract bad boys”. Ever. What you’re REALLY saying is “I have no selection process”. It’s the equivalent of going to buy a car and the owner saying “there’s a lot of miles on the clock and it’s been driven hard”.

3) When you get up halfway through the date to visit the ladies’ room and tell your girls how the date is going, walk slowly, we want to eye you up in your tight dress.. This is ALSO a handy tip when wondering what to wear.*See #1

4) Us blokes don’t like “bitches”. Fact. Sure, we’ll sleep with you if you’re pretty/fit/look like you’ll do “fun stuff”. We’ll even date you and be Mr Nice Guy long enough in order to get a bit, but you’re never going to be placed on the “keeper” list if you are genuinely not a nice person. Snapping at the waiter for a minor transgression will ensure you get ditched for “Suzie Smiley Face” in the longterm.

5) You know that thing where you just can’t give up an ex even though you know they’re bad for you and treat you awfully? Yeah? Well, manly men don’t HAVE that. If a man is done with a woman that is a bitch (see above), then she’ll most likely have her p45 and a pat on the head (unless she is required for sex). So don’t mention your ex from 11yrs ago that keeps coming back into your life.

6) We are all Mummies boys, yes, ALL of us. ESPECIALLY the tough guys. Don’t question anything about a mans mother until you’ve met her. Don’t criticise a mans mother until your name is on the mortgage deed. This is a p45-worthy error.

7) Vegetarians are ok. We get it, kind of. But if you look like you’re going to gag at our caveman meat-feast, our mind will race forward 5 years to a fridge full of cress, rocket and you trying to make our kids eat quorn. Not to mention the stereotype of veggies not doing “fun stuff”.

8) The whole “independent 21st century woman” thing basically signals to us that you don’t want kids/can’t cook/will quite happily race in to your mid-30s preaching that you don’t need a man. This may scare us. We are simple creatures (seriously). Maybe, don’t use that phrase until we get to know you.

9) We’ll happily get the bill. And we will continue to for some time. Please don’t worry about ordering too much or eating a lot… If you’re in even moderately good shape, this won’t freak us out at all. Quite the opposite. So just get it if you like it!

10) The 1st couple of dates are your chance to make a massive impression. Being nervous is ok (we’re not as judgmental as you, see). But please understand that we WILL “credit check” you. Now I don’t mean we’ll look into your finances, but you’ll only get from us what you qualify for. If you’re only worth a physical relationship, thats all you’ll get. So try to give us an inclination as to what YOU want! Dont be mad if we try to invite you up for a coffee after you’ve talked about sex all night and gotten drunk. Lay your cards out, ladies! (in a subtle way).

Craig also runs a website and is a personal fitness trainer:
http://www.thefitnessfreaks.co.uk/

Thanks Craig!

Get something from that ladies? Personally I liked the bit about the bill part 😉
Becki Bx

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