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DATING DIARY: THE DAY MY LIBIDO DIED

Well. The title of this blog could be misleading. This incident couldn’t really constitute an actual date. But I thought I’d give it some blog space. I was in my late twenties when I had a short fling with this guy. It didn’t work out. We remained friends but didn’t hang out much. Luckily we just both figured very early on that we didn’t suit. Then shortly after he went on to a new relationship and seemed pretty happy. Several years later….

At first I thought the texts were just friendly, we’d linked back up on facebook. It began with “so hows life going… long time no see” one might deem these as ‘normal’ messages. I did. I had been living in a shared house in London for perhaps six months by this point and to be honest it was NOT giving me the sense of ease and wellbeing it was meant to be giving me. I was actually feeling pretty depressed in the urban jungle. So when I got a few texts from an old ‘friend’ who turned out to live round the corner (we were friends after that dating episode) I thought GREAT!

Him: “So you live in the area now then?” ME: “Yes! Im in the hood!” Him: “remember that time we spent together?” ME: “er.. kind of…” Him: “Oh.. really? So when shall I pop over to see you? Now?”. I looked at the clock. It was midnight. Was he having a laugh? ME: “It’s pretty late now”.  Him: “You’ve lost loads of weight btw – looking great!”. ME: “Er. Thanks! Yeah I’ve been blah blah blah.. running and…blah blah…. jogging…”. Him: “Tomorrow then?”. ME: “Sure! Come over for a coffee!” Absolutely no sexual tendency meant with the coffee reference.

So tomorrow came. And as I peered out the window I saw a sweaty Steve ride up on an old beaten up bicycle.

I opened the door. Finding myself actually quite pleased to see him.. “Alright me ole chum!” He grinned at me. I smiled back. He walked into the kitchen and removed two cans of special brew. (I used to drink alcohol but I NEVER drank special brew thank you). I was also… living in a teetotal house “Oh my god! put them back in your bag now! If someone sees I’ll be kicked out straight away!”.

We went to my room where I sat at my desk and he sat on my bed. I always thought this was quite normal behaviour when you lived in a shared house. To go to your room with your friend. But now on reflection perhaps the living room would have been a better idea. My bad.

In the seclusion of my small bedroom – Steve crashed himself down almost breaking the slats of my bed with his fall. He removed a bag of cocaine from his pocket and put it on my desk. “Want some?” he grinned innocently at me. He looked up at me and his eyebrows hovered patiently about five centimetres above his eyes. He poured it out in front of me on the desk… and I watched him as he sat snorting white powder through a dirty five pound note. Sweaty and sniffing he sat back on the bed.

“So what have you been up to etc etc etc?” he asked uninterestedly. I started rambling on about quitting drinking and all that therapy stuff. He cut me off.. “So you do remember that time we spent together?” he queried. I looked back at him. “Not really. It was a long time ago… Aren’t you settled down now?” I pushed taking the guilt slant. I was starting to feel…a bit…uncomfortable.

“Well. Actually. Yes – but you know she doesn’t want to have sex with me. I really love her – we’re really happy. But. I just want sex man!”. This would have been an ample position to follow in Nora Batty’s footsteps and chase him off the premises with a broom. Or something. (Actually should have done that at the sight of the Special Brew).

“Look I’m really not into having an affair with you”. I replied. “Affair?!’ he smirked. “Who’s talking about an afffair! I’m just talking about a one off – you and me”. I couldn’t believe the lowness of the situation. I looked at him sitting on my bed with his sweaty bicycle suit on. And tried to envisage what he thought I would be gaining from that proposition.

And for the next two hours I sat and offered up my own marriage counselling session. “Well I don’t think you should have sex with someone else”. I replied. “Have you thought about buying some sexy underwear for her…” I came up with every reason under the sun as to why he shouldn’t sleep with someone other than his partner. And two hours later looking totally bored – he left my house.

And so. That was the day my libido died.

“People are like dirt. They can either nourish you and help you grow as a person or they can stunt your growth and make you wilt and die.” Plato

But there’s still hope yet. This is sweet Letter to a Little Girl from her Daddy

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Surround yourself with good people.

Stay blessed 🙂

Becki Bx

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DATING DIARY FOUR AND READING/LEEDS FESTIVAL

10188087f5dec81fa1fcc88b15b9f7f5My 15 year old self patted my present self on the back when I got asked out for dinner by the lead of a popular band from the 90’s. It had come completely out of the blue and as a complete surprise. We’d only met briefly and when I received a friend request from him on facebook I just thought it was his manager doing promotion. To be honest I don’t really date musicians (high flying musicians). My instinct tells me that they’d be a total nightmare. Always on the road. Drinking. Drugs. Chasing women. Yes the stereotype puts me off. However, I wasn’t going to let my own prejudice get in the way of a potentially rewarding date with a handsome man who plays guitar. So of course when I was asked to dinner my 15 year old self told me to go for it. So I did.

 

We sat at the sushi bar and he took charge and ordered… ‘oh I love sushi!’ he exclaimed… ‘I’ve been to Japan many times… we had a big fan base there…’ he’d certainly had an interesting life. And was certainly charming, charismatic and all those things. But the topic turned.. to ex partners. I’m certainly wary of talking about ex’s on the first, second, third or even any of the dates I go on! But you can tell a lot about a person by the way they speak about their last dating escapades. I dipped my salmon and avocado roll into a bit of wasabi… and put it in my mouth. ‘So yes, I have a child with my ex partner and a child with a recent woman I was sleeping with for a couple of months’ I started to choke. ‘Too much Wasabi?’ he smiled at me. I slurped some water.. and replied….‘er yes’ I said…. ‘erm… So…you’re a bit like Bob Marley then…’ I smiled… ‘with your many children with different mothers’ I queried nonchalantly. I saw a hedonistic glint in his eye. He smiled devilishly and chuckled to himself ‘Yes why does that put you off…’ he looked me deep in the eye and grinned. I’m sure I saw a flicker of fire… but perhaps it was just the reflection of someone striking a match as they lit a cigarette behind us. I saw a future vision of myself standing in the doorway of a council flat pregnant and broke shaking my fist as he scuttled off in to the distance with his guitar on his back. Yes I said to myself. Yes it does.

A few days later I went into Poundland – I can’t remember what for. I was amazed to find some CD’s by some of my favourite musicians in there. Pink Floyd.. Lily Allen.. I saw his. I took a picture and texted it to him. “Look what I just found in Poundland!”  I wrote.  And that.. was the end of that.

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And in other news! The alternative stage for the Reading and Leeds Festival has been announced.. which is on on the August Bank Holiday weekend – 23rd to the 25th..

What’s standing out for me is the film about Snoop Dog – entitled Reincarnated which traces his life and career and follows him on a journey of spiritual reawakening, eventually resulting in his reincarnation as Snoop Lion.  Makes me want to go to Jamaica.  And also my favourite new band Haim will be helping out club night Propaganda with an audio visual extravaganza.

Also performing:

Russell Kane * Seann Walsh (L) * Rob Delaney * Mark Thomas (L) * Shappi Khorsandi (R)

Josh Widdicombe * Paul Chowdhry * Trevor Noah * Jamie Kilstein

 Carl Donnelly’s National Novelty Dance Off Finals * Nathan Caton * Jarred Christmas (L)

 Andrew O’Neill * Joel Dommett * Katherine Ryan * Idiots of Ants * Tiffany Stevenson

Romesh Ranganathan (L) * Tom Deacon (R) * Ellis James * Rob Beckett *

Lucy Beaumont (L) * Luisa Omielan * Suzi Ruffell * Mark Simmons

Daniel Townes (R) * Jim Smallman (L) * Andrew Ryan

 

MC DOOM * Shlomo & The Lip Factory * Jeffrey Lewis & The Rain * Reeps One 

Transgressive * Rebel Bingo (L) * Boogaloo Stu (L)

Buttoned Down Disco (R) * Propaganda with special guests Haim

Snoop Lion: Reincarnated (Film)

 

(L) Leeds only, (R) Reading only

More at www.readingfestival.com

Becki Bxx

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DATING DIARY + CRYSTAL FIGHTERS DOWNLOAD

I’m not really one for talking about my dating escapades. Online. Kinda personal stuff isn’t it? However.. with a few disastrous dates behind me – I’ve been reflecting recently on the kind of men I seem to attract. So I thought I’d do bit of a blog on them. Not all of them at once though. Also. I’ve just watched Girls and to be fair perhaps I need to ditch a bit of this British prudism I seem to be carrying around. Also my mate said it would be funny so here goes.

Let’s talk about MAN NUMBER ONE. In this instant… I’ll call him Louis. Oh Louis..

I met this guy… on NYE. He was (or is cos he’s not dead) a little older than I.. he’d studied at Oxford (sexy no?) and looked just like Louis Theroux (hence the nickname). So after a few smiles and teasing a coffee that would turn into dinner was booked in to the diary. We met up a few times…as friends, but there was an underlying attraction. We met up for coffee one evening…and I’m not really sure what led me to ask this question… but the words just spilled out of my mouth.. ‘So…have you ever slept with a prostitute?’. ‘Yeah’ he bluntly replied.

Very honest. I was shocked. I hadn’t actually had a man be so brutally and directly honest with me.

‘What? Really?! How many!?’… I enquired…with my mouth a little agape at this point.  ‘Oh loads. Probably hundreds.. when I was living in the middle east.. it was more like girls who hung around and it wasn’t like giving them money directly they just hung about and we’d give them cash to buy things. But I got Gonorrhoea and that freaked me out so I came back’.

Wow. I was a little taken aback. At the sheer honesty. Grateful though. However…my brain had just taken him out of my ‘potential’ compartment and swiftly put him in the ‘no go’ area.  Which was a shame. But ya know. But saying that – we were only friends though right? And maybe I’d got it all wrong and he wasn’t interested in me at all. We sat uncomfortably opposite each other…’I kinda wish I hadn’t told you that…’ he said.

A few weeks later I got the text. The booty call text… it was late…he was drunk…  ‘wanna get a taxi to mine?’.

There’s open minded and then there’s.. open minded. Ya get me?

Oh Louis…Louis Louis Louis…oh dear…

ART NEWS: Date for the diary – Ben Oakley Gallery presents new works by David Bray and Mark Powell… 16th – 26th May

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MUSIC: Listen to CRYSTAL FIGHTERS ‘CAVE RAVE’ album sampler HERE which will be released on the 27th May:

FREE DOWNLOAD You & I (Gigamesh remix):

Have a good day. BeckiXx

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VALENTINES DAY PODCAST: INTUITION

As part of a new collaboration project with singer/songwriter @itsantique here is the first epidode of a new podcast series we are calling ‘It’s Inspirational’. Today’s podcast is on the subject of – Intuition. What is intuition – and how much do you (the public) use intuition to choose a love partner?! Myself and Antiqu’e went out on the streets of London.. and this is what we found out…. (please excuse some of the dodgy cuts – I’m just learning Garageband!) 

Features new music from James Yuill. His track – ‘Lost In California’ is taken from new album ‘These Spirits’ which he’s releasing on his own label the Happy Biscuit Club.

Also featuring Josephine’s new single, Portrait which is due for release on the 25th February.

James is raising funds via a Pledge Music campaign – click HERE

Join the conversation @ohDearyme @itsantique #ohDearyme

More reading HERE

LINKS:

Sign my petition for my campaign HERE

Have a good day! BeckiBx

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“We’re just fragile machines programmed with a false sense of our own importance. And every now and then the universe sends a reminder that we don’t really matter to it…” Neil Strauss

pic from http://shootfromtheheart.tumblr.com/

Today is the day before Valentines Day. Traditionally a day in which lovers express their love/fondness/desire for one another. You might be sitting there wondering if you should make that gesture to that ‘special’ person out there. Or hoping that that ‘someone’ will make a move. I’ve lived in numerous houses with boys.. boys that would literally sit and underline sections of ‘The Game’ (seriously) and talk about the power of ‘negging’ (the art of picking up a girl by shaking their confidence). So I thought I would make a few pointers to playing nice on Valentines Day..

Firstly boys.. don’t moan about it being a commercially driven day. It pretty much ruins the whole idea of it – and you just come across as… tight. A gesture of attraction doesn’t have to cost the earth. As Gandhi puts it ‘A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave’.

Ladies – men are never too busy to get what they want. If he’s choosing not to put in the effort.. you deserve better.. Next!

Perhaps you’re being pursued by someone you’re not that into.. as the Dalai Lama puts it… Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. 

Or.. maybe *shock horror* you’ve just been dumped…. ‘One may have been a fool but there’s no foolishness like being bitter’ Kathleen Norri… pick yourself up, dust yourself off… The heart was made to be broken… Oscar Wilde

And finally.. It’s better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone  Marilyn Monroe

This post is dedicated to one of the greatest singers of our time. Rest in peace – Whitney Houston… August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012

It’s all make believe, isn’t it? Marilyn Monroe

Have fun and play safe Becki Bx

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