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DATING DIARY: THE LABYRINTH

“Just fear me.. love me.. do as I say.. and I will be your slave” Jareth, The Labyrinth… 

“My kingdom as great.. damn. I can never remember that line.. wait… no wait. Wait a sec. Yep that’s it… you have no power of me!!!Sarah, The Labyrinth 

“I don’t do phone calls I’m shy”…“I wouldn’t travel to your area… I don’t like the tube”…

The guy on a pedestal. He’s a good looking chap. He knows it. You laughed a lot together. A lot of promises made. You try to back off.. but he keeps pulling you back in. Take a chance.. he whispers. Your intuition says no. But he says yes. For him. It’s just the thrill of the chase. Like attracts like. So you take another sip of the demon drink. Red flags pop up… faster than a steroid induced forearm. Love yourself first. The self help world screams. But his eyes gleam with lust. You wonder if he means the words that he says. And as you start to fall you know you have to escape. You are Sarah. Lost in the Labyrinth. This is what you wanted? Wasn’t it? But it’s all just a game. The mask starts to fall. And what you already knew shines through. You chose not to see it. Because it was easier that way. To dream. To fantasize. To hope. But ultimately you choose. Yourself. You have to. Because the labyrinth of love. Takes a little bit of you each time. And the pieces of your heart are not to be scattered.

Choose wisely.

Love, BeckiBx

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DATING DIARY: OCEAN EYES

“He sang as if it he knew me

In all my dark despair

And then he looked right through me

As if I wasn’t there

But he was there, this stranger

Singing clear and strong” Lori Lieberman ‘Killing Me Softly’

His ocean blue eyes sparkled in the sun, his features rugged… one couldn’t help but get a little lost in them.

“You know how to hold a stare” he smiled. “Hmmm.” I looked away. It was a hot sunny day and London was bustling happily along.

“So… I used to volunteer as a ChildLine worker. I wanted to give something back…because I had so much money…” he started.

“Oh that’s interesting” I said. Because it was… interesting. Seeing his green light he ventured into a variety of stories of how he’d helped many a young child. One story so upsetting… I had to actually hold a tear back.

“Oh God.. that’s so sad” I looked at him shocked.

“Yes then I had to meet the little girl… and I just hugged her and we cried”.

My mouth fell slightly agape. In the words of Lori Leiberman.. he was attempting to kill me softly with his song.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked. “Come inside away from the bedraggle for a minute”…

I looked at my friend happily chatting away. “Sure” I said. Inside we went.

“So.. I am actually married…” he stated staring.. intensely at me.

“Ok” I replied. Shifting my gaze to the other side of the room. Guessing where this tiresome chain of events was about to head.

He attempted to explain a stifled love affair. “But I’d never leave her” he stated with a wide eyed expression.

“But you would cheat?” I asked directly. Already knowing the answer.

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

His halo popped.

“Well I’d urge you to reconsider that decision.” I responded…slowly shutting down to his crap. And as I looked back at him… his blue eyes had turned a muddy grey…and his cunning charm showed itself as the devils tongue clinging at any opportunity to catch someone in a slick web of deceit.

“And I think we could be great…friends….!” he smiled attempting to use some magic.

But my cloak is thicker than that. “Yeah. Great.” I replied with enough gust to as not appear overtly sarcastic. Just enough to escape….

And… RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

“Cunning grows in deceit at seeing itself discovered, and tries to deceive with truth itself.” Balthasar Gracian, The Art of Worldly Wisdom

Be good, BeckiBx

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MUSIC VIDEO: GHOSTPOET ‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’

I really like this new video from Ghostpoet – (Obaro Ejimiwe).. although a little harsh dude… ‘he just ain’t the one man you just know init..’ was the lyrical highlight for me. Ha. Anyway..   it’s the new single, the wonderfully titled ‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’ for release on 31st July through Play It Again Sam.

What’s the video about? A reflective narrative sees Ghostpoet weave tales of a one-night stand, articulating the awkwardness, hand in hand with wanting something more meaningful. Cohabiting with cinematic instrumentation and featuring guest vocalist, singer/songwriter Lucy Rose, ‘Sorry My Love…’ walks the same emotive, self-questioning axis that permeates his recent album, ‘Shedding Skin’ to great effect.
 Following his recent sold out UK tour, and news of a Shepherds Bush Empire show in November, Ghostpoet has conformed various festival appearances as follows:
June 20 Croyde, GoldCoast Oceanfest
July 03 Winchester, Blissfields Festival
July 17 Oxford, Truck Festival
July 24 Sheffield, Tramlines Festival
July 26 London, Womad Festival
Aug 28 Leeds Leeds Festival – NME/BBC Radio 1 stage
Aug 30 Reading Reading Festival – NME/BBC Radio 1 stage
Sept 04 North Wales, Festival No. 6
Sept 05 Brighton, Together The People Festival
Nov 21 London, Shepherds Bush Empire (tickets)
‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’: iTunes | Spotify
‘Shedding Skin: iTunes | Spotify
Ghostpoet: Official Site | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
Enjoy! Becki Bx
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DATING DIARY ‘TINDER TRAUMA’

Pic on front Banksy

“Women know intuitively when they are being devalued.” Robyn Silverman

Article by Jessica Burgess

We all have dating nightmares… we’ve all been in that situation where you’re sitting opposite someone trying to desperately think what question to ask them next to avoid that prolonged silence which you can only seem to fill by taking another sip of your drink. We’ve all wished a date would end within 5 minutes of sitting down in some “cool” bar where the drinks are overpriced and you can’t even hear what mundane anecdote your date has just come out with over the music turned up too loud. In this instance though I can actually say that I went on a date which lasted less than 5 minutes…

So recently, I’ve been getting quite into Tinder. It’s an app I’ve had for a while but like most of the users on it was up until now only using it as a bit of window shopping. I decided a couple of months ago that it might actually be quite fun to go for a few drinks though- meet some new people- and if nothing else could at least have a story or two about Tinder to tell at parties.

I came across this guy who I thought seemed just my type- tall, blonde, athletic and seemed to be able to hold a conversation (or as much as you can on Tinder anyway). We agreed to meet after work and he said he’d let me know where but as the day went on said his “phone was playing up” and he couldn’t find a good place to go online… not overly concerned I said that was fine and we agreed to meet at the train station and then find a place from there.

I arrived at the station, feeling a little nervous but not overly so. I waited by the ticket barriers – I was a little early so was just playing on my phone, looking at commuters go by and wondering if any of them were rushing off on dates arranged by an electronic device. At 7.30 I get a call… it’s him… “I can’t find anywhere to park” – what? We’re in central London why are you in a car?! “I’ll swing by and pick you up” he says.. in my head I’m suddenly getting very awkward about the whole thing… I don’t know what to say… I say it’s fine I’ll just wait here till you find some parking- it’s no problem…

I hang up the phone and immediately ring a friend “is it weird he’s asked me to get in his car?” “yes – no normal person would think that’s OK.” she says…

I get a text- “I’m in Tesco carpark…” This is not how imagined a few after work drinks going…

All I want to do now is just get on a train home as this whole thing is just so uncomfortable but running away would be worse so I walk over to Tesco’s next door and see a blue car parked in a dark layby at the back…. Does he really think I’m going over there? I stand and look at the car for a long time and eventually he gets out and comes over. He’s not bad looking but his pictures have been flattering it seems. “Hi, sorry no parking- are you going to hop in and we can go find somewhere?” I don’t know whether he’s saying find a restaurant or implying something else but I’m not keen to find out…

“Sorry- I’m not getting in your car I’ve just met you- let’s re-arrange for another day” I hop on the first bus and never text him back… Doesn’t he know you should never get into cars with strange men?

Do you have a #datingdiary you’d like to share? Good or bad.. send them in to beckiburrows@gmail.com it can be an anonymous post or your name disclosed – it’s up to you! Why not…. #jointheconversation

… Stay #safe people…

#ohdearyme

 

 

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DATING DIARY ‘UNDERGROUND’

Pic on front: Banksy

“To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours. To be organised and efficient, to live wisely, we must delay gratification and keep an eye on the future; yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive, to live in the present and act spontaneously.” Scott Peck

“Becki you’re so naïve” my friend uttered in response to my story. “I don’t think this is about naivity” I found myself arguing back. Or maybe I am.. I started to ponder. I’ve had quite a few reactions to this story.. ‘you should be careful’.. for example being the number one reaction. And I find myself wondering… what does that actually mean? 

It wasn’t too late, on a Wednesday evening.. I was on my way home from Church… (really I was, I’m not trying to make myself sound all angelical or anything but I was) and was only going a few stops.. so I left my book in my bag. My gaze wandered up the carriage I was travelling in. It was pretty empty. Not a lot to look at.

My eyes momentarily fell on a cute guy.. who was looking my way but a blink and a tube declaration broke the interaction. Thinking nothing of it I exited.. and started to make the short walk home up the platform and through the ticket gates.

As I walked through I noticed the guy from the tube behind me – and as I exited the tube station.. he made a curve and landed right in front of me..

”Erm… I noticed you on the tube.. and I don’t usually do this.. “ he started..

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…. “but I saw you and I well I’m a personal trainer but I also suffer low self esteem” he continued.. he appeared to be shaking. Strange opening line I thought. “Awwww”… my stupid ass emotional naïve side kicked in…

“and I was wondering well if I could take your number and maybe we could meet up for a coffee sometime..”.. he continued.

“Erm”.. I looked at him as we stood outside the tube. He seems sweet enough I found myself thinking as he stared (slightly up) at me with his wide eyes. He was a good looking chap.. the spitting image of Jake Gyllenhaal.

So I gave him my number. And then..we exchanged a few texts.. but then things started to get.. a…little creepy..

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Anyway shortly after that. I fell asleep. The next day.. I received some whatsapp messages..

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My response being delayed…(he seemed to be way too into this ‘following’ malarkey for my liking) before I knew it… a picture (or two) of his penis landed in my whatsapp messages. He just couldn’t wait could he. In my actual text messages was a rant about how ‘fat’ I am..(bad speller must of meant phat) and that I’m a ‘typical’ ignorant English girl. And then another whatsapp message telling me how beautiful I am. Ahh how romantic!!?! Oh and let’s not forget the phone call from a private number with some heavy breathing. Great. A complete and utter weirdo.

What a huge shame his personality didn’t match his exterior. But what is my point? Well.. with all the ‘should be careful’ comments I wondered.. how careful am I supposed to be? With dating having evolved into an online affair with numerous dating apps such as Tinder, E-Harmony, Match.. where swapping numbers is a prerequisite to meeting… and maybe dating… life is about occasionally taking a risk.

I went through various emotions after this experience. But the one I was mainly surprised by was guilt. And the shame. Of giving out my number. Well.. if you will give your number to strange men.. 

“Many of us heard from our parents, “Boys will be boys, so girls must take care” the message being that we can avoid unwanted male attention if only we are careful enough. If anything goes wrong, it must be our fault.” http://www.feminist.com/resources/ourbodies/viol_blame.html

But of course I do agree we all must be ‘careful’ in life. Gut instinct does not always ring true on a first meeting. And I believe people say ‘be careful’ out of care. But.. sometimes I wonder if we are actually aware of what meaning we are really sending out with our words?

“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn’t matter if only we could prevent girls from being girls.” Anne Frank

Hmmmm. Have a good week.. BeckiBx

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