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DATING DIARY: TRUST ME

 

“Human beings are poor examiners, subject to superstition, bias, prejudice, and a profound tendency to see what they want to see rather than what is really there.” — M.Scott Peck

This #DatingDiary was written whilst listening to Friendly Fires.. ‘Paris’ (Aeroplane Remix)

The other day I found myself pondering on all the times a guy had uttered the words… “just trust…me…”. And how most of the time I wished I hadn’t. But I hadn’t heard the words uttered for quite some time until I met an intensely charming ab of steel, personal fitness trainer that oozed sex appeal. The type of guy, that one has to mentally compartmentalize if one should decide to touch. Within five seconds my intuition had summed him up… charming… player.. good for kissing. Too hot to not.

Cue self reflection: as one can start to dangerously question one’s own intuition… perhaps a desire to remain open minded or perhaps in hope… led down the path of self reflection, which gently leads with the opening line of ‘well….maybe he’s different…’. I find myself reflecting on whether I’m being judgemental… or perhaps stereotyping… and end up with YEAH RIGHT. Don’t be so naïve. And I get a grip.

We talk for hours. He tells me about his prison stays. His child out of wedlock. His cat. He tells me how it is to impregnate someone and have no power over the outcome (a story which hits me with a burst of gratitude that I will never have to experience that avenue). His stories are intriguing. I try to reciprocate something of interest. But find it hard to find a story of the same calibre. I resort to the subject of favourite films, which starts a light discussion about the difference between Julie Andrews and Audrey Hepburn as I assure him Audrey Hepburn never starred in Mary Poppins. Light but certainly not as interesting as his war stories.

He tells me he changes his number frequently. He asks for my number. I tell him I don’t know it. But he can have my email. He wrinkles up his nose and looks annoyed as I write it down. I know he won’t email. But he gets his ego stroke anyway.

I later reflect on why I find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable men. How perhaps part of me enjoys being on the periphery of the dating experience… self protection measures that halt one having to get in too deep…

A few days later I check my email. Nothing. And although I expected nothing, I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. If not for the stories. I guess you can’t force your feelings to act a certain way. Which is an annoying part of being human. But I also feel a slight relief. Aware that he’d be a terrible person to get involved with. Although I do find making amusingly poor excuses for the situation… Maybe he can’t write… always a possibility (Cue: open mindedness).

“What you doing tomorrow?” my friend asks me after a traumatic trip to the cinema to see Carol which was far more depressing than I thought it was going to be.“I’m playing squash!… Some guy on a fitness group on meetup.com asked me if I fancied a game…new ways to stay fit in 2016”.. and she starts to laugh. “What?” I query. “My ex used to randomly email girls and get them to be fitness partners from there.. he said he slept with two of them… he’s probably just trying to meet you!”…

“Oh. Seriously?” I ask. Surprised. YOU ARE SO NAÏVE! My brain shouts at me. I find myself amused. “I haven’t even looked at his pic you know. I don’t even know what he looks like.” I reply contemplative.

I decide to go anyway. I want to play squash.

TBC

ART: Carne Griffiths is raisingmoney for Cancer – you can sponsor him here and have the opportunity to win a piece of art in return: https://www.justgiving.com/Carne-Griffiths-dryathlete2016 a worthwhile cause!

Happy New Year!

Becki Bx

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DATING DIARY: THE LABYRINTH

“Just fear me.. love me.. do as I say.. and I will be your slave” Jareth, The Labyrinth… 

“My kingdom as great.. damn. I can never remember that line.. wait… no wait. Wait a sec. Yep that’s it… you have no power of me!!!Sarah, The Labyrinth 

“I don’t do phone calls I’m shy”…“I wouldn’t travel to your area… I don’t like the tube”…

The guy on a pedestal. He’s a good looking chap. He knows it. You laughed a lot together. A lot of promises made. You try to back off.. but he keeps pulling you back in. Take a chance.. he whispers. Your intuition says no. But he says yes. For him. It’s just the thrill of the chase. Like attracts like. So you take another sip of the demon drink. Red flags pop up… faster than a steroid induced forearm. Love yourself first. The self help world screams. But his eyes gleam with lust. You wonder if he means the words that he says. And as you start to fall you know you have to escape. You are Sarah. Lost in the Labyrinth. This is what you wanted? Wasn’t it? But it’s all just a game. The mask starts to fall. And what you already knew shines through. You chose not to see it. Because it was easier that way. To dream. To fantasize. To hope. But ultimately you choose. Yourself. You have to. Because the labyrinth of love. Takes a little bit of you each time. And the pieces of your heart are not to be scattered.

Choose wisely.

Love, BeckiBx

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DATING DIARY: OCEAN EYES

“He sang as if it he knew me

In all my dark despair

And then he looked right through me

As if I wasn’t there

But he was there, this stranger

Singing clear and strong” Lori Lieberman ‘Killing Me Softly’

His ocean blue eyes sparkled in the sun, his features rugged… one couldn’t help but get a little lost in them.

“You know how to hold a stare” he smiled. “Hmmm.” I looked away. It was a hot sunny day and London was bustling happily along.

“So… I used to volunteer as a ChildLine worker. I wanted to give something back…because I had so much money…” he started.

“Oh that’s interesting” I said. Because it was… interesting. Seeing his green light he ventured into a variety of stories of how he’d helped many a young child. One story so upsetting… I had to actually hold a tear back.

“Oh God.. that’s so sad” I looked at him shocked.

“Yes then I had to meet the little girl… and I just hugged her and we cried”.

My mouth fell slightly agape. In the words of Lori Leiberman.. he was attempting to kill me softly with his song.

“Can I buy you a drink?” he asked. “Come inside away from the bedraggle for a minute”…

I looked at my friend happily chatting away. “Sure” I said. Inside we went.

“So.. I am actually married…” he stated staring.. intensely at me.

“Ok” I replied. Shifting my gaze to the other side of the room. Guessing where this tiresome chain of events was about to head.

He attempted to explain a stifled love affair. “But I’d never leave her” he stated with a wide eyed expression.

“But you would cheat?” I asked directly. Already knowing the answer.

“Yes. Without a doubt.”

His halo popped.

“Well I’d urge you to reconsider that decision.” I responded…slowly shutting down to his crap. And as I looked back at him… his blue eyes had turned a muddy grey…and his cunning charm showed itself as the devils tongue clinging at any opportunity to catch someone in a slick web of deceit.

“And I think we could be great…friends….!” he smiled attempting to use some magic.

But my cloak is thicker than that. “Yeah. Great.” I replied with enough gust to as not appear overtly sarcastic. Just enough to escape….

And… RUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

“Cunning grows in deceit at seeing itself discovered, and tries to deceive with truth itself.” Balthasar Gracian, The Art of Worldly Wisdom

Be good, BeckiBx

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MUSIC VIDEO: GHOSTPOET ‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’

I really like this new video from Ghostpoet – (Obaro Ejimiwe).. although a little harsh dude… ‘he just ain’t the one man you just know init..’ was the lyrical highlight for me. Ha. Anyway..   it’s the new single, the wonderfully titled ‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’ for release on 31st July through Play It Again Sam.

What’s the video about? A reflective narrative sees Ghostpoet weave tales of a one-night stand, articulating the awkwardness, hand in hand with wanting something more meaningful. Cohabiting with cinematic instrumentation and featuring guest vocalist, singer/songwriter Lucy Rose, ‘Sorry My Love…’ walks the same emotive, self-questioning axis that permeates his recent album, ‘Shedding Skin’ to great effect.
 Following his recent sold out UK tour, and news of a Shepherds Bush Empire show in November, Ghostpoet has conformed various festival appearances as follows:
June 20 Croyde, GoldCoast Oceanfest
July 03 Winchester, Blissfields Festival
July 17 Oxford, Truck Festival
July 24 Sheffield, Tramlines Festival
July 26 London, Womad Festival
Aug 28 Leeds Leeds Festival – NME/BBC Radio 1 stage
Aug 30 Reading Reading Festival – NME/BBC Radio 1 stage
Sept 04 North Wales, Festival No. 6
Sept 05 Brighton, Together The People Festival
Nov 21 London, Shepherds Bush Empire (tickets)
‘Sorry My Love, It’s You Not Me’: iTunes | Spotify
‘Shedding Skin: iTunes | Spotify
Ghostpoet: Official Site | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram
Enjoy! Becki Bx
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DATING DIARY ‘TINDER TRAUMA’

Pic on front Banksy

“Women know intuitively when they are being devalued.” Robyn Silverman

Article by Jessica Burgess

We all have dating nightmares… we’ve all been in that situation where you’re sitting opposite someone trying to desperately think what question to ask them next to avoid that prolonged silence which you can only seem to fill by taking another sip of your drink. We’ve all wished a date would end within 5 minutes of sitting down in some “cool” bar where the drinks are overpriced and you can’t even hear what mundane anecdote your date has just come out with over the music turned up too loud. In this instance though I can actually say that I went on a date which lasted less than 5 minutes…

So recently, I’ve been getting quite into Tinder. It’s an app I’ve had for a while but like most of the users on it was up until now only using it as a bit of window shopping. I decided a couple of months ago that it might actually be quite fun to go for a few drinks though- meet some new people- and if nothing else could at least have a story or two about Tinder to tell at parties.

I came across this guy who I thought seemed just my type- tall, blonde, athletic and seemed to be able to hold a conversation (or as much as you can on Tinder anyway). We agreed to meet after work and he said he’d let me know where but as the day went on said his “phone was playing up” and he couldn’t find a good place to go online… not overly concerned I said that was fine and we agreed to meet at the train station and then find a place from there.

I arrived at the station, feeling a little nervous but not overly so. I waited by the ticket barriers – I was a little early so was just playing on my phone, looking at commuters go by and wondering if any of them were rushing off on dates arranged by an electronic device. At 7.30 I get a call… it’s him… “I can’t find anywhere to park” – what? We’re in central London why are you in a car?! “I’ll swing by and pick you up” he says.. in my head I’m suddenly getting very awkward about the whole thing… I don’t know what to say… I say it’s fine I’ll just wait here till you find some parking- it’s no problem…

I hang up the phone and immediately ring a friend “is it weird he’s asked me to get in his car?” “yes – no normal person would think that’s OK.” she says…

I get a text- “I’m in Tesco carpark…” This is not how imagined a few after work drinks going…

All I want to do now is just get on a train home as this whole thing is just so uncomfortable but running away would be worse so I walk over to Tesco’s next door and see a blue car parked in a dark layby at the back…. Does he really think I’m going over there? I stand and look at the car for a long time and eventually he gets out and comes over. He’s not bad looking but his pictures have been flattering it seems. “Hi, sorry no parking- are you going to hop in and we can go find somewhere?” I don’t know whether he’s saying find a restaurant or implying something else but I’m not keen to find out…

“Sorry- I’m not getting in your car I’ve just met you- let’s re-arrange for another day” I hop on the first bus and never text him back… Doesn’t he know you should never get into cars with strange men?

Do you have a #datingdiary you’d like to share? Good or bad.. send them in to beckiburrows@gmail.com it can be an anonymous post or your name disclosed – it’s up to you! Why not…. #jointheconversation

… Stay #safe people…

#ohdearyme

 

 

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