MUSIC: CHROMEO ‘QUARANTINE CASANOVA’ EP

chromeo

Chromeo are one of my favourite duo’s. So when this email bounced into my inbox with some new quarantine lockdown tunes what else could I do? Yes! To not bounce it right on back – but to pass the good news on.. to you. YOU. You’re welcome. Check out the new EP below..

CHROMEO’S QUARANTINE CASANOVA EP OUT TODAY FIVE NEW SONGS WRITTEN AND RECORDED UNDER LOCKDOWN PROCEEDS TO BENEFIT KNOW YOUR RIGHTS CAMP’S COVID-19 RELIEF FUND 

June 12, 2020—Legendary funklordz Chromeo debut Quarantine Casanova, an EP of five new tracks written and recorded under lockdown, today. In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement and in recognition of COVID-19’s disproportionate impact on Black and POC communities, 100% of net proceeds from digital downloads, physical sales and merch will be donated to Colin Kaepernick’s Know Your Rights Camp COVID-19 Relief Fund. Chromeo is also working on an animated short for the National Alliance on Mental Illness, to accompany the EP and raise awareness about mental health issues surrounding the global pandemic. Stream Quarantine Casanova here and get physical formats, merch and digital download here.

“Honestly, it started as a joke,” says Chromeo frontman Dave 1. “At the beginning of quarantine, we hunkered down in our studio, freestyled a song called ‘Clorox Wipe’ and posted it online to cheer people up. The response was overwhelming. So we wrote another one, and another one. Fans kept asking if we were going to release them for real, so after a couple of weeks, we obliged.” “As usual, it’s a high brow-low brow thing with us,” adds synth master P-Thugg. “These are obviously the funniest tracks we’ve ever written, but they connected in such a visceral way. We figured if we were to put them out, there would have to be a charity and an awareness component.” The band took two weeks to properly record and produce the tracks, and Quarantine Casanova was born. With titles like “6 Feet Away” and “Stay In Bed (And Do Nothing)” the songs touch on all the topics du jour, including paper towel shortages, social media cooking crazes, avoiding Zoom meeting and yelling at people who don’t wear masks. But they’re also disarmingly honest about anxiety, depression and existential ennui. Set to Chromeo’s signature catchy melodies and analog grooves, they happen to be the funkiest synth jamz this side of 2020.  The EP is the first new music from Chromeo since 2018, when their fifth album Head Over Heels was released to critical acclaim. Since then, the duo has kept busy with two years’ worth of shows and more recently, the launch of their very own label Juliet Records, which will see the release of inaugural signee Ian Isiah’s forthcoming AUNTIE project this summer. This marks a new chapter for the band, and the first time they’re stepping out to produce and mentor other artists. Chromeo is the Grammy-nominated duo of Montreal natives and high school best friends David “Dave 1” Macklovitch and Patrick “P-Thugg” Gemayel. The group — now 15 years into their storied career — rose to prominence with their seminal 2007 release Fancy Footwork, heralding the dawn of the ‘80s electro-funk revival. Their five LPs have been hailed as modern funk masterworks and Chromeo has toured the world over.

CHROMEO—QUARANTINE CASANOVA             

1. Clorox Wipe
2. 6 Feet Away
3. Stay In Bed (And Do Nothing
4. ‘Roni Got Me Stressed Out
5. Cabin Fever

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NEW MUSIC: Artcha ‘AVALANCHE’ ft. Benny Bizzie

Artcha James

“Don’t fall a victim to your fears… must be a story to your tears”

The song is called Avalanche to depict what can happen when one event goes unnoticed and can lead to catastrophic events.

Current location: North London
Current happiness levels out of 10: 6
Favourite film: Do The Right Thing (Spike Lee)
Favourite musician: Difficult but I have to say the late great TY was and is phenomenal 
Favourite artist: I am obsessed with Eska. She is out of this world
Favourite book: Brave New World
Favourite colour: Blue

Hey Artcha how you doing!? How is 2020 going for you!?!?! So your new release Avalanche was released at midnight ‘last’ night. What’s the track about?

Strange times, right? Understatement. Weirdly enough Avalanche was written and recorded before recent events (lockdown, George Floyd) which actually speaks for itself as this is exactly how I felt in general back in February. I had written the first verse in Jan originally for an extended freestyle I wanted to record but the more I read the lyrics, the more it was obvious this was actually the beginning of ‘a’ song (the music had not been written yet). As the year progressed and I found time to compose, the melody hypnotised me for a week and I hadn’t written any drum pattern or baseline, I was just obsessed with this melody that was forming. It felt haunting yet angelic and there was something anti-cerebral about the process.

It sounds cliche but the song began to write itself…

I just need to catch up to the pace of mind. I heard it before it was finished. From this point I knew I had a song, it was just missing another verse and a chorus. Originally I wanted several artists on the song so I sent it out to about seven artists… but no-one replied…Lol (there is a lesson here).

Released 5th June 2020

Anyway I continued adding to the record with various sounds and different arrangements and finally an artist came back to me. Benny. However we are now in full lockdown so collaborating in the studio was a no no. Thankfully, Benny has his own set up and was able to record at home. For context, Benny was planning to have a musical break at the moment he received my call… thank God he changed his mind! Our chemistry from a distance was great, we began to be in constant communication about ideas, direction, details in my verses that would shape his chorus. Long story short through various voice notes, texts and emails we began to shape Avalanche. 

You’re releasing this during the George Floyd tragedy in America and #blacklivesmatter. Was the timing of it’s release purposeful?
What is so uncanny, is the timing of the song. We scheduled the release at the beginning of May – song was mixed and mastered, artwork had been signed off and the campaign had begun.

All before the disgusting murder of George Floyd and the protests in America and now London. As time was getting closer to our release date I became nervous and felt uncomfortable releasing music at such a time. I did not want to self promote when there were bigger more important issues to focus on. However, talks with the Club FRSHRZ team and Benny made me realise, actually, this song in retrospect was prophetic and was timely and spoke to the feelings of the time. We must release it.  

Can you introduce us to @bennybizzie
I love the fact you picked out “Don’t fall a victim to your fears… must be a story to your tears” as it is one of my favourite lines from Benny. Benny Bizzie is an incredible singer-songwriter from North London and you all need to follow him and listen to his extensive catalogue. I am really thankful, proud, overwhelmed and empowered about Avalanche, the responses have been incredible, many connected with the song personally. 

You mention MC Hammer – was he a big influence in your music?!

Lol. Yes! MC Hammer was a legend growing up, me and my sister used to practise dance moves to his videos. I also admire what he did for popular Hip-Hop, a really important link in the chain to many artists after him. Plus its a great double entendre. 

 
What are your influences musically wise – and who should we be listening to!? 
Undoubtedly, TY, Radiohead, Mos Def, Nas, Kendrick Lamar, Wretch 32 and you all need to listen to ESKA and her 2015 album of the same name. 


How is your corona lockdown going!? 
It’s tricky. I’ve experienced personal tragedy so of course I feel cheated. My big bro TY was just one of those tragedies. On the other side it has forced me to be more creative. I became a film-maker. lol. Filmed, edited, storyboarded and animated my first music video/short film. Thank God for Amazon prime, YouTube tutorials and bottomless creativity!

So sorry to hear this. Xx

 You’re releasing this during the George Floyd tragedy in America. Was the timing of it’s release purposeful? 
This is a great question and the question I expected from many, but as I explained earlier this was completely unplanned by me, us, but I do believe God has a different plan. I believe that more now that it has been released from the reactions we are receiving. The making of the video was heavily influenced by recent events hench the phrase ‘I can’t breathe’ because I wanted to document this moment in history more explicity than the lyrics of the song.


“Enhance the youth and tell the truth to yourself and mean it…”I love that sentence.. can you expand on this.. 
Thank you. It is a motto I try to live by. I think our responsible is to ensure the next generations have guidance and encouragement but in order to be fully effective we have to be true to ourselves and admit where we have gone wrong.

“I see injustice and my blood boils and curdles they speak more Gummidge than Wurzel.. I got my ‘Blue Peter’ Badge in survival…” can you expand…
Ha. Yes I do like to include pop culture references for those of a similar age or experience. The start of that lyric is raw and really reflects how much corruption we have experienced, this is countered with ‘Gummidge’ suggesting sh*t or rubbish and by saying I got my Blue Peter badge I am suggesting we have been here before, we have the t-shirt, the official badge! More metaphors and double entendres. Sometimes only I get it.  


You’re based in Tottenham – how has it been in that area with the protests and lockdown? 
Tottenham is a real community area contrary to media publicity, people generally look out for one another – it is so diverse it would be extraordinary to witness blatant racism or discrimination. A few protests have passed through the area, all calm and specific. I have noticed a heavier police presence all of a sudden. Regarding lockdown, again the community has complied with government rules, forming nice queues outside of Tesco.  

How do you believe we can all support #blacklivesmatter … how can people become more educated – do you have any links to films or significant documentaries that you believe are an important watch? 
I truly believe more open forums are the best ways to learn and educate ourselves. I think not having the conversation at all is unhealthy but I understand some people may be uncomfortable, but regardless the conversations need to be had, not lectures, but conversations with questions and informed responses. There is too much online and I would not want to direct people to unvalidated sources. Speak, talk, discuss, learn. I think we should all invest in Black owned business, media platforms and of course education. The curriculum in the UK urgently needs to change to reflect the ethnicity of our schools. The song is called Avalanche to depict what can happen when one event goes unnoticed and can lead to catastrophic events.


How do you write your music – does it just flow!? Or do you sit down to write?
How long is a piece of string? It varies. Lines will come to me shopping or walking through the park. I do like to write lyrics to music to really capture the energy of the song and the cadence but Avalanche came in parts and I put it together like a meal or a puzzle, Benny added the spices. Benny and I recently talked about the writing process and it seems I lean more into writing on my phone then on paper; a sharp contrast from the yesteryears of multiple A4 books (I still have these from the early days).

What book are you currently reading?! 
At the moment I am reading ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ by Joyce Meyer and recently finished ‘Shoe Dog’ by Phil Knight – I like contrasts.   

Favourite 80s film!
Oooh. This is almost impossible. My favourite century of film. For today it will be ‘The Breakfast Club’, tomorrow it will be Platoon.  

Your song talks about the PM and him being untrustworthy – thoughts on Boris.. and er Trump..
….I have no good words to say about them.

Heh heh. Fair enough. If you enjoyed this – then please share, tweet and support.

You can purchase Avalanche HERE! Watch the video again HERE!

If you enjoyed this – then please share, tweet and support. Oh I just said that.

Thanks for reading.. BeckiBXx

#avalanche #blacklivesmatter @Artcha @clubfrshrz and distribution @believemusic_uk

You can hear more from Artcha here:

My albums #urbantalesvol1 and #urbantalesvol2 are now on my artcha.bandcamp.com

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Love Is a Dirty Word.

Kew Gardens

Love.

Love is a dirty word.
It started out in childhood
And it got. All very confused. 

If it was ever said at all.
It was easily misconstrued.  
And was either half hearted or never really said in truth. 

And when she grew up.
And she was urged to trust.
It all just felt… far too much. 

As she tried to figure out
How love was meant to touch. 

Her heart. 

She finally figured that she was stuck 
The narcissists trap suffocating her in it’s clutch
Perverse amusement as darkness thundered 

A magnificent web of lies the master of deceit 
As he whispered in her ear 
A dirty pool licked at her feet 

Lost souls imprisoned attempting to escape
As water turned to quicksand and the clock jumped a beat 
The future already here, the narcissist long gone

A story planned out since time begun.
A contradictory perverse mind
Some souls sinking deeper as the narcissists song echoed on.

Her mind harmonised to a frequency she hung on
Trying to gather her energy up.
Listening to others that claimed to hold the key that would release the devils evil clutch.

The gate of freedom she was told was not far 
The bright yellow suns warmth holding her there… 

Love. 

Love was a dirty word. 
She’d always felt. 
But not anymore she understood as her heart started to melt. 

It was only then she could see.. 
That she was starting to break free…
From the narcissists clutch.

Becki Bx

© All words and images copyrighted and owned by Rebecca Burrows 2020 and not to be used without permission.






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#timetotalk Out of the BLUE

#timetotalk Out of the BLUE


#timetotalk Out of the BLUE

#TimetoTalk 

I was perusing the #timetotalk hashtag on twitter this morning. Reading about other peoples experiences with depression – and I started to feel slightly better. When you start to understand depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain – and that actually you are indeed human. Personally I feel that helps. That one is not alone despite ones surroundings.

*Looks around – nope am definitely alone right now*. Cue Tiffany ‘I think we’re alone now…’

The problem with feelings in my opinion –  is that I can tell myself how I am going to feel… but that actually never relays up. “I’m going to write this and I’m not going to feel ashamed or embarrassed about it” I whisper to myself.

Half an hour later I’m in a corner in a shame spiral.. (chk out Brene Browns ‘The Power of Vulnerability’)

2018 for me was a pretty crappy year. I was training for a half marathon a few years back. One day – I started limping. And that was that! Wear and tear of the joints took it’s toll and I couldn’t walk properly anymore.

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” my GP initially pushed. “It’s all in your head” another friend urged. Fuck you. My mind silently replied as my body screamed otherwise. Don’t listen to them..keep pushing.. 

And it got worse. And it got worse. And then. Out of the blue. My friend got diagnosed with stage four cancer of the oesophagus. At just 34.

“I kept going to the doctor over and over and they just kept giving me Rennie..” he told me. “I said to the nurse I don’t understand why they didn’t pick it up. She said it’s cos of my age. They don’t expect it at my age”. He passed away Sept 2018. RIP Michael.

And that was all I needed to start to freak out. I made a 20 minute at the doctors. “You can only bring one thing!” the GP always states. But what if they’re all related my mind argued back. So in my next appointment I talked really really fast determined to fit in all my issues and concerns without her cutting me off short.

 

“SoIcan’tWalkandItsReallyHurtingandI’mfatiguedandwhatifit’sCancerMyfriendsDead!Dead!AndNoOnePickeditUpandIcan’tWALKAndAnd..And… and…

No one warns you about life in your thirties. I have friends that love it. But in my opinion it kinda sucks. All your friends start dropping like fly’s – as they become impregnated. Fun friend holidays are cancelled. And in my case every guy you date assumes you want their baby… like seriously get over yourself.

“Hmmm shall we use two condoms just in case?” you smile at each other. “Let’s up it – why not make it three…of the extra strong ones”. Actually forget it might as well just use the vibrator.*Takes out the 10 incher.. *Bend over then.. 

The problem with social media and mental health issues in my opinion is the pressure to make out that life is perfect and that everything is going swimmingly. *Compare and watch your mind go straight to despair.*

For instance one of my best friends of over 20 years. Well in my opinion. Had the perfect life according to his social media posts. No one sees each other as often as one gets older. Life gets in the way as people are mating and procreating. So sometimes one relies on seeing peoples social media posts. 

Ryan: Married check! Lovely huge house in the country – check! Job? Check! Ok he hates his job. From what I can see. But then a lot of people do. Right? 

Then – last summer – one day I received a card in the post from him and his partner. A really nice card urging me to keep being open and to keep talking about life issues. Out of the blue. 

And two days later. He took himself to the summer house in his backyard. Put a towel over his head. And hung himself.

And then he was gone. Just like that.

RIP Ryan.

Ryan and me (before Jimmy Saville was declared a peadophile!)

It was around this time I decided to admit myself to rehab. My walking was getting worse and I was becoming more and more isolated. “Patience!” ordered by the doctor wasn’t working that well for me. I was feeling isolated. Bored. Frustrated.

I wasn’t getting much help from the mental health services (or family for that matter but that’s a given) and felt I needed some support.

Of course I didn’t want to go. A ‘proper’ rehab is hard. Plus you have to share a room. And the fear of who you’re going to be sharing with can be very off putting. Thankfully I was bloody lucky on that front. But many weren’t. Take one of the hardest ex gang members who’s icy cold stare would simply make you sweat as you end up becoming her subservient servant out of fear. And you have her standing over your bed in the middle of the night. You look up.. “Erm so…how many people did you say you stabbed?”. “Stop snoring!” she spits. Showering you in her saliva.

“I will not get close to anyone” I had told myself. From experience it’s not the *best* place to be making reliable healthy friendships.

But of course life has other plans.

And when you’re in a huge house with 20 or so others for two months without a TV/mobile phone/computer and anything that links you to reality. Well. Things don’t always turn out how you plan.

Despite the drama and confrontations I also met some great people. And also fell in love a little bit. With the wrong person.

“Oh look a silver fox has arrived!” my friend and roomie exclaimed one day. I uninterestedly glanced over at the new guy as he walked past. “Hmmm yeah” I replied returning back to my book.

And then I don’t know how it happened. But the days accumulated and we started to get closer. And ended up talking a lot. But he was married. And he also had a history of taking viagra behind his wives back and swiping on tinder. And when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time – as Maya Angelou says..  

Cringing I confided my lustful feelings to my designated male therapist. “You’re using on your feelings!” he exclaimed as I sunk lower into my chair. “It’s just reproduction in it’s rawest form!!!!” he pushed. He was pretty brutal sometimes.“Do we have to talk about this??” I replied wanting to disappear, staring at the clock ticking slowly behind him. It always ticks slow when you want it to move fast.

DEAR FEELINGS: please fuck off. You’re making my life harder right now. This is NOT in the plan..

And then one night as I sat with the silver fox in the now empty living room. We looked at each other. And. And well if I hadn’t have been in a rehab and if he wasn’t married this would have been one of the most romantic experiences. As he moved slowly in. In to me kiss me. My heart missed a beat. And a butterfly fluttered in the pit of my stomach.

And my moral conscience pulled me swiftly back. Forget what you feel – remember what you deserve.. forget what you feel.. remember what you deserve. And I got up and walked away.

And I thanked myself for that when I returned to my home alone. I thanked myself for not being that girl. And in all honesty I could of really done without meeting him. And on his leaving day he approached me and cradled my face in his hands. And looked into my eyes. And smiled. For that would be the last time we would see each other. For the best.

And that’s life. Out of the blue. Life can change just like that. Like a whirlwind. But you must always come back to yourself.

And no job is worth losing your life over. And no person who has hurt you is worth self destructing over. Stick up for your own health. And you’re own heart. No matter how hard life gets.

Because life can change just like that.

And sometimes for the better. Out of the blue.

I am now on crutches but I am trying to remain positive whilst awaiting a hip replacement. Is the end of my troubles in sight??? Keep on keeping on. Cue. EYE OF THE TIGER…

Becki Bx

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TV REVIEW: R Kelly and the rise of the peadophile documentary

TV REVIEW: R Kelly and the rise of the peadophile documentary


“We must unanimously agree that denial of such an insidious and child shattering problem is a monumental societal illness.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201103/child-sexual-abuse-and-narcissism

“It’s hard enough to be ourselves without being used
So yo take it from me
Don’t be a victim of society
You can’t put yourself in a position to be neglected
And disrespected
You have to do what’s not expected
Alright
Or all be in his story
His story over mine
His story will be his story” TLC ‘His Story’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBdohg10Fvg

Oh the world of Television.. I watched the documentary on R Kelly on the IPlayer the other night. Then.. Stacey Dooley’s documentary on peadophilia and ‘Young Sex for Sale’ in Japan.. came on the TV. I then proceeded to watch the Ted Bundy tapes on Netflix a few days later (it was on the homepage.. what was I to do?)… then as I flicked through on the IPlayer I saw a documentary ‘Peodophile Hunters: The Rise of the Vigilantes…’

Next up I ended up reading about the new Michael Jackson documentary coming out that’s won some awards. I couldn’t sleep and ended up absorbed in reading the many facebook comments in support of MJ. Many of those comments opposed the ‘victims’ that have come out in recent times to talk about the alleged offences.

There ‘appeared’ to be more support for ‘RIP Michael’ than any for the people that feature in the documentary.

Oh, and I nearly forgot to mention the short film about the extremely sad James Bulger murder titled ‘Detainment‘ that has recently been featured in the press. To add to that Thompson and Venables were given new identities in 2001 and released from prison. In 2018 Venables was imprisoned again after pleading guilty for child pornography offences.Tina Malone a star from the TV show ‘Shameless’ has just been called to the High Court for retweeting a pic of Jon Venables – a pretty interesting case. And I feel for Tina.. fame is not her friend right now.. (the pic was retweeted by many other people and I suspect due to her ‘high’ profile she may be being made an example of!?). 

And as I sat perusing the many channels we are ‘blessed’ with – it started to dawn on me – what have I been filling my head with these past few days.. ?

I was questioning.. is this just perverse sensationalism that is on demand in the zeitgeist. And maybe more importantly does this abundance of content that has suddenly appeared on these dark topics change anything? The documentary ‘Peodophile Hunters: The Rise of the Vigilantes’ highlighted the abhorrent fact that there has actually been a ‘700% increase in online abuse’ in recent times. And I ponder.. how much effect the #metoo movement has really had.

I suppose a predator is going to do what a predator is going to do. Because I guess – in their mind their own needs are far more important than anybody else’s.

Perhaps what I found most shocking and ugly was the similarity in each of the documentaries of how many people admittedly looked away whilst these crimes were and are still happening (chk the R Kelly doc for instance). 

R KELLY – BUMP N GRIND

“My mind’s tellin’ me no, but my body, my body’s tellin’ me yes
Baby, I don’t wanna hurt nobody
But there is something that I must confess (to you)I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bump and grind (with a little bump and grind)”

As if they are not culpable. And that in my opinion must be one of the most heartbreaking situations to be in. Where people know what is happening to you but look away. With a ‘it’s nothing to do with me’ attitude. I have to wonder. Where the morals and values of people are. Where is the community? And are we a society that sticks together anymore?

“Our society is struggling to protect children, older people and disabled people. This is not just a crisis of care. This is a crisis of of human values”https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/feb/28/not-jailing-paedophiles-protecting-children-crisis-care

Some of the content matter in these documentaries was so dark I’m probably never going to be able to erase it from my mind. And I question is it too much? Or is it simply not enough!?

I got into an interesting conversation about narcissism with a good friend who has also experienced CSA. How it can be very difficult to understand these types of people. And as these documentaries are displaying – hard to catch or spot. And child sex offenders display narcissism in its most destructive form. Are these documentaries simply displaying the need as a society to understand and catch a predator for who or what he is?

We live in a society that seems to appear to despise peadophiles. But on the other hand also victim blames.. and it seems to be apparent that it is a complex topic to cover.

But the topic of shame should be addressed and hopefully the more these issues are talked about the more people – victims/survivors –  may come out to talk about their experiences. (To the right people it seems). The secrets that they are bullied to keep. Not for anyone else but for their own healing. For the shame and guilt that is smothered on to a child whilst they are being abused is the killer of all emotions.

And how do we hand those back to the perpetrator? For the less peadophiles can hide – the better.

But are these documentaries highlighting how as a society we are more interested in the pyschology of the perpetrator than the healing of their victims?

I read a good quote that someone tweeted the other day and it said ‘That’s why it’s called the CRIMINAL justice system.” And I just thought. Oh yeah..

And I leave you with the lyrics of Angel Haze.. which says it all really.

ANGEL HAZE:

When I was ten, shit, I believed I could fly
I would just flap my fucking arms and try to meet with the sky
And in my mind I’d envision that I was speaking with god
And then I’d chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind
So I’mma take you fuckers back and through the vortex of time
When I was seven envision me at the bottom of stairs
And I solemnly swear that this is the truth, no fallacy here
See I was young, man, I was just a toddler, a kid
And he wasn’t the first to successfully try but he did
He took me to the basement and after the lights had been cut
He whipped it out and sodomized and forced his cock through my gut
See it was weird because I felt like I was losing my mind
And then it happened like it happened millions of times
And I would swear that I would tell but they would think that I was lyin’
And now the power that he held was like a beacon of mine
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit
And now my hate was so volcanically eruptive and shit
But this is nothing cause I guess he told his friend what he do
And they ate it up, shit I was like a buffet for two
And then it happened in a home where every fucking one knew
And they ain’t do shit but fucking blame it on youth
I’m sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you, but even you, by then wouldn’t know what to do
And now it happened so often that he was getting particular
And I’m more scared every time — my speed and ventricular
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs
He told me: “Hey –, I see you like them popsicle sticks so put your mouth on my deck and fucking swallow the spit”
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said
I had no the effect it would have on my head
My heart was pumping it was thumping with like tons of my fear
Imagine being seven and seeing cum in your underwear
I know it’s nasty but sometimes I’d even bleed from my butt
Disgusting right? Now let that feeling ring through your guts
I thought of offing myself, I thought of killing these niggas
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push they teeth through they liver
Wanted to smash the fucking world and burn its leftover parts
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart
Then I grew up and I wasn’t within the reach of these men
But that didn’t keep me out the motherfucking reach of my sin
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come
I was confused, I had to prove I wasn’t fucked from the jump
I was afraid of myself, I had no love for myself
I tried to kill, I tried to hide, I tried to run from myself
There was a point in my life where I didn’t like who I was
So I’d create the other people I would try to become
Sexuality came into play and with as scared as I was
I was extremely scared of men so I started liking girls
I started starving myself, fucked up my bodily health
I didn’t wanna be attracted to nobody else
I didn’t want the appeal, wanted to stunt my own growth
But there’s a fucking reason behind every scar that I show
I never got to be a kid so that’s as far as I grow
My mental state is out of date, and that’s as far as I know
My biggest problem was fear, and what being fearful could do
It made me run, it made me hide it made me scared of the truth
I’m not deranged anymore, I’m not the same anymore
I mean I’m sane but I’m insane but not the same as before
I had to deal with my shit, I had to look at my truth
To understand that to grow you’ve got to look at your root
I had to cut off the dead, I had to make myself proud
And now I’m just standing living breathing proof look at me now
I made it through everything, I made you look like a clown
I’m fucking great can’t fucking hate you nigga look at me now
Now I’m just saying this to tell you there’s a way from the ground
Just be strong and just move on and just accept what I can
Because it makes your story better when you read at the end
[Outro]
Yeah, there’s a story behind every single scar that I show
I made it out, this a me nobody’s gotten before
I had to open my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet
I said I opened my wounds, I had to bleed til I stopped it
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet

Read more:  Angel Haze – Cleaning Out My Closet Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Becki Bx

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