Dating in your late 30’s. Well. Let me just say one thing. It seems rather an horrific experience (ha. Pretty strong word there!).
Obviously I wasn’t in the best place to date for the last few years. Because of my hip crumbling (which of course I have to mention every five minutes but it was a horrible experience) and ending up on crutches and then a zimmer frame. Well it turned out that funnily enough a zimmer frame isn’t a major turn on for most men! Most men my age anyway.
So.. I’m in my late 30’s. And still in lockdown (basically am never getting out this flat am I?) and I decided to download Bumble. And well I hate online dating. It can be a bit shallow, as well as overwhelming trying to keep up with the messaging. Not to mention the anxiety around meeting IRL (in real life). I of course, would much rather be carrying some books in say… the British Library and bump into a dreamy guy who accidentally knocks them out of my hand.. then… *yeah you know the score*. But! That ain’t gonna happen! So… Bumble it is!
I’d say I’m feeling quite slow to this ‘growing up’ game. I forgot to schedule the ‘get married and have babies’ in to my game plan. And I was (perhaps naively) quite surprised when my girlfriends started dropping like flies.. “I’m pregnant!”.. “we’ll go on that trip again soon though”.. “oh shit.. that’s on hold I’m pregnant again!”… FFS. Well… let’s just say that was an unexpected change to friendship dynamics.
Especially if you’re the only one in the group who doesn’t go down that road.
If you were ever enforced to watch Catherine Cookson dramas on a Sunday evening as a kid – pregnancy and giving birth put the fear of God into me. Basically the woman would either die giving birth or would have a knitting needle stuck up her to get rid of the pregnancy. It was set in the 1900’s but still.
I have also never been able to watch CH4’s “One Born Every Minute”. So. Yes. I’m scared to death of being pregnant, to giving birth, to the reality that in todays’ day and age there is a huge chance I’d be probably be a single mother (however that doesn’t concern me as much as it used to). Add a bit of climate change on top of that. And the witnessing of my parents relationship and how one decision affects the rest of your life. Well, yeah it’s all a bit scary.
I have a tendency to attract younger men (hmmmm maybe I’m more motherly than I think hahaha)… and I have been told before that because of my age that ‘oh you’ll probably want babies soon’ to which when I told my male mate he couldn’t understand why I found that a bit offensive. “Well because it’s presumptious”.. “plus it’s a privilege for a woman to have a baby with you and to assume I’d be ‘keen’ to have his was a bit ego-bloody-tistical”.
And so – back to Bumble. (Sorry digressing this post is ALL OVER THE PLACE).
My experience thus far seems to be that the men of my age have mainly been married, had babies and seem to be once burnt twice shy. Fair enough.
Then there are the guys that are married or have girlfriends. And well. There’s ‘girl code’ for one. Not to mention how relaxed can you be if you’re going to be constantly anxious about STD’s.
I do however, know women who are in this boat and for whom this works for. But I worry that they’re just kidding themselves that they don’t mind the situation. I guess in a way it’s easier to date someone when you know it’s not going to go anywhere. There’s something strangely ‘safe’ in that. Because then. You don’t need to risk, you don’t need to be vulnerable, you know exactly where the relationship is at in a way.
The last time I had a guy in my flat he apparently ‘jokingly’ asked ‘how much I charge’. Told me about his ‘part time girlfriend’. And then acted offended when I told him he was a bit of a c*nt. It is situations like this – where you think you might as well start charging and making some cash out of it all. Or indeed become polyamory. However, neither of those situations would work for me. I don’t think. *Offended much!!?!??!?!
I tend to run some of my more ‘red flag’ dating experiences past my “best mate male friend” with a “is this normal.. I’m not sure I even know anymore…”.
But, look. Let’s face it. We all make mistakes trying to attract the opposite (or same) sex. My buddy told me this story about how he slept with this lady after he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he said that when he ‘finished’ he was on top of her and just blurted out loud “OH I WISH I HADN’T DONE THAT”. Whether she head butted him in response or not I do not know.
But yes. Dating. It can be pretty terrifying.
I’ve heard men moan (and not in a good way) about how they have felt deceived by women online. They were older/shorter/fatter/uglier than they made out so I decided to be honest on my bumble profile that ‘I’m a few pounds overweight’ due to my hip replacement (has it been five minutes yet?) and trying to get my mobility back on track. I’m trying to shake the ‘I can’t do that until I’m skinny again’. It’s a curse and sometimes a good excuse to avoid intimacy I guess.
So it’s interesting seeing how guys react to this. If I downplay myself. It can only go up from there right?!?!?!
Cue.. the cringe. Why did I just post this on my blog…. heh.
I’m following BodyPosiPanda on instagram. She helps.. BODYPOSIPANDA
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