“Human beings are poor examiners, subject to superstition, bias, prejudice, and a profound tendency to see what they want to see rather than what is really there.” — M.Scott Peck
This #DatingDiary was written whilst listening to Friendly Fires.. ‘Paris’ (Aeroplane Remix)
The other day I found myself pondering on all the times a guy had uttered the words… “just trust…me…”. And how most of the time I wished I hadn’t. But I hadn’t heard the words uttered for quite some time until I met an intensely charming ab of steel, personal fitness trainer that oozed sex appeal. The type of guy, that one has to mentally compartmentalize if one should decide to touch. Within five seconds my intuition had summed him up… charming… player.. good for kissing. Too hot to not.
Cue self reflection: as one can start to dangerously question one’s own intuition… perhaps a desire to remain open minded or perhaps in hope… led down the path of self reflection, which gently leads with the opening line of ‘well….maybe he’s different…’. I find myself reflecting on whether I’m being judgemental… or perhaps stereotyping… and end up with YEAH RIGHT. Don’t be so naïve. And I get a grip.
We talk for hours. He tells me about his prison stays. His child out of wedlock. His cat. He tells me how it is to impregnate someone and have no power over the outcome (a story which hits me with a burst of gratitude that I will never have to experience that avenue). His stories are intriguing. I try to reciprocate something of interest. But find it hard to find a story of the same calibre. I resort to the subject of favourite films, which starts a light discussion about the difference between Julie Andrews and Audrey Hepburn as I assure him Audrey Hepburn never starred in Mary Poppins. Light but certainly not as interesting as his war stories.
He tells me he changes his number frequently. He asks for my number. I tell him I don’t know it. But he can have my email. He wrinkles up his nose and looks annoyed as I write it down. I know he won’t email. But he gets his ego stroke anyway.
I later reflect on why I find myself attracted to emotionally unavailable men. How perhaps part of me enjoys being on the periphery of the dating experience… self protection measures that halt one having to get in too deep…
A few days later I check my email. Nothing. And although I expected nothing, I can’t help but feel slightly disappointed. If not for the stories. I guess you can’t force your feelings to act a certain way. Which is an annoying part of being human. But I also feel a slight relief. Aware that he’d be a terrible person to get involved with. Although I do find making amusingly poor excuses for the situation… Maybe he can’t write… always a possibility (Cue: open mindedness).
“What you doing tomorrow?” my friend asks me after a traumatic trip to the cinema to see Carol which was far more depressing than I thought it was going to be.“I’m playing squash!… Some guy on a fitness group on meetup.com asked me if I fancied a game…new ways to stay fit in 2016”.. and she starts to laugh. “What?” I query. “My ex used to randomly email girls and get them to be fitness partners from there.. he said he slept with two of them… he’s probably just trying to meet you!”…
“Oh. Seriously?” I ask. Surprised. YOU ARE SO NAÏVE! My brain shouts at me. I find myself amused. “I haven’t even looked at his pic you know. I don’t even know what he looks like.” I reply contemplative.
ART: Carne Griffiths is raisingmoney for Cancer – you can sponsor him here and have the opportunity to win a piece of art in return: https://www.justgiving.com/Carne-Griffiths-dryathlete2016 a worthwhile cause!
Happy New Year!