Pic on front: Banksy
“To be free people we must assume total responsibility for ourselves, but in doing so must possess the capacity to reject responsibility that is not truly ours. To be organised and efficient, to live wisely, we must delay gratification and keep an eye on the future; yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive, to live in the present and act spontaneously.” Scott Peck
“Becki you’re so naïve” my friend uttered in response to my story. “I don’t think this is about naivity” I found myself arguing back. Or maybe I am.. I started to ponder. I’ve had quite a few reactions to this story.. ‘you should be careful’.. for example being the number one reaction. And I find myself wondering… what does that actually mean?
It wasn’t too late, on a Wednesday evening.. I was on my way home from Church… (really I was, I’m not trying to make myself sound all angelical or anything but I was) and was only going a few stops.. so I left my book in my bag. My gaze wandered up the carriage I was travelling in. It was pretty empty. Not a lot to look at.
My eyes momentarily fell on a cute guy.. who was looking my way but a blink and a tube declaration broke the interaction. Thinking nothing of it I exited.. and started to make the short walk home up the platform and through the ticket gates.
As I walked through I noticed the guy from the tube behind me – and as I exited the tube station.. he made a curve and landed right in front of me..
”Erm… I noticed you on the tube.. and I don’t usually do this.. “ he started..
…. “but I saw you and I well I’m a personal trainer but I also suffer low self esteem” he continued.. he appeared to be shaking. Strange opening line I thought. “Awwww”… my stupid ass emotional naïve side kicked in…
“and I was wondering well if I could take your number and maybe we could meet up for a coffee sometime..”.. he continued.
“Erm”.. I looked at him as we stood outside the tube. He seems sweet enough I found myself thinking as he stared (slightly up) at me with his wide eyes. He was a good looking chap.. the spitting image of Jake Gyllenhaal.
So I gave him my number. And then..we exchanged a few texts.. but then things started to get.. a…little creepy..
Anyway shortly after that. I fell asleep. The next day.. I received some whatsapp messages..
My response being delayed…(he seemed to be way too into this ‘following’ malarkey for my liking) before I knew it… a picture (or two) of his penis landed in my whatsapp messages. He just couldn’t wait could he. In my actual text messages was a rant about how ‘fat’ I am..(bad speller must of meant phat) and that I’m a ‘typical’ ignorant English girl. And then another whatsapp message telling me how beautiful I am. Ahh how romantic!!?! Oh and let’s not forget the phone call from a private number with some heavy breathing. Great. A complete and utter weirdo.
What a huge shame his personality didn’t match his exterior. But what is my point? Well.. with all the ‘should be careful’ comments I wondered.. how careful am I supposed to be? With dating having evolved into an online affair with numerous dating apps such as Tinder, E-Harmony, Match.. where swapping numbers is a prerequisite to meeting… and maybe dating… life is about occasionally taking a risk.
I went through various emotions after this experience. But the one I was mainly surprised by was guilt. And the shame. Of giving out my number. Well.. if you will give your number to strange men..
“Many of us heard from our parents, “Boys will be boys, so girls must take care” the message being that we can avoid unwanted male attention if only we are careful enough. If anything goes wrong, it must be our fault.” http://www.feminist.com/resources/ourbodies/viol_blame.html
But of course I do agree we all must be ‘careful’ in life. Gut instinct does not always ring true on a first meeting. And I believe people say ‘be careful’ out of care. But.. sometimes I wonder if we are actually aware of what meaning we are really sending out with our words?
“Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn’t matter if only we could prevent girls from being girls.” Anne Frank
Hmmmm. Have a good week.. BeckiBx