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DATING DIARY: NEGGING

Artist picture by Christopher Cuseo

He puts his arm around my shoulder. He leaves it there. His arm.. placed.. there.. feels.. weird and uncomfortable. One minute. Two minutes. I can’t handle it anymore.. “er excuse me a sec can you..” I have to move.

Needless to say we don’t know each other that well. But we’d already had ‘the chat’ and I thought that had been sufficient. We were friends right. Right?

“You’re actually quite attractive..” he said blurting it out.

I was a little startled. “Oh!” Where did that come from?

He accentuated the ‘quite’ word.

Fucking quite? My brain retaliated.

“I’d say you were about a seven. Seven out of ten…” he continued.

I was letting myself get dragged into the conversation. Really what I should have been doing at this point is not engaging. But my ego went running (obviously need to double up on my Eckhart Tolle listening). And I let myself get dragged in.

“A seven! Er is that a good thing? Why only a seven?” I exclaimed not really hiding my hurt.

“Well your dressed pretty casual and you need to do something with your hair” he says.

My hair is always in a pony tail. I spent an hour the day before trying to braid it via a youtube tips video but it’s so fucking hard! Have you guys tried to braid hair? No? Well shut up then! My hair always gets whacked up in a ponytail. Sometimes that ponytail can deceivingly take a long time to do as well.

I let out a big sigh.

“So what makes a ten then?” I ask.

“Well very few girls are a ten” he replies.

We start walking down the road and I find myself mulling over hair styles. Still… a seven is better than a six I think..

Jesus… just take the compliment Becki my brain thinks. But I wasn’t really sure if it was actually a compliment.

“I don’t think you should say it like that to a girl again..” I say.. “You should just say you are attractive. Knock the quite word off..” I reflect. But then maybe he was just being real.

I think about how I might make it to a ten.  “A few of my younger friends who are girls have approached me just wanting non committal sex” he blurts out.

What? Other girls want him? Did he just become more attractive? I look at him. Could I…. ?

Then. WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. No he wouldn’t be would he? That was too.. sly…

A neg is a backhanded compliment, usually said by a man to a woman, to surprise and/or annoy her so she does a double take and tries to prove her value to the man. Negging comes from the Pick Up Artist community and was a very popular method suggested to men who wanted to take attractive women “down a notch”. Dating

“I fancied you when I first saw you…” he carries on.

Oh my god he is as well.

“But it’s not all about looks though is it.. it’s about personality too” I say.

“No..but in the beginning its all about looks” he retaliates.

“Gosh I’m tired… ” I yawn confused and feeling slightly depressed.

I take some reflection time on the situation.

Firstly I decide who wants to be someone’s number 7. Maybe a 7 is a realistic number but no one wants to be told where they stand on that ladder do they? And whatever the weather up or down in their eyes you want to be their number 10 surely? “I only have eyes for youuuuuu” sing the Flamingos…

Secondly.. relationships and dating. Well they’re meant to make you feel good. Not crap.

Thirdly – I decide I’ll take on his advice about aiming for a ten. For someone else though. Mwahwahahahahahar!!!!

And fourthly – no one needs a number to validate them.

I look at him. And I see us in the future. We’re married and I’m wearing super tall heels. I’m explaining to a friend how we got together…  “Oh.. he said I was a seven… so I got my boobs done… a face lift… a hair transplant and a tummy tuck and now I’m nearly a nine and a half!” I explain to her… “but do you actually bloody like him?” she replies.. “Oh er yeah I forgot about that bit… SHIT” …

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