It was quite a few years ago that I met this guy. Back in good ole two thousand and four. I still remember the specific moment… he reminded me of the lead singer from Toploader – he had big shaggy hair and danced carefree like the lead singer of Jamiroquai.
We were in the Walkabout in Bournemouth. Yes.. It was that long ago. The glorious days of university. And I remember thinking how cool he was. But it only took a few dates for us to realise we weren’t going to gel. He was the kind of guy who.. would talk to everyone else in the room and pretend he didn’t see you, whilst you were meant to sit there and ponder on how awesomely outgoing and popular he is. I suppose this falls a little bit into negging again.
Since 2004 this man has been an accidental pop up in my life and every few years he appears back on the scene. After our short dating episode at university went a bit Pete Tong (I can’t remember why) that should have been a sign to keep a distance. ‘Look. We just don’t. Get. On.’ But the problem is that on paper he ticks a lot of the boxes.. good looking, nice hair.. surfs etc. But falls down on the ‘how to make a girl feel good’ part.
Ok so a few years after university I was at a festival in Spain…and randomly… right in front of me… there he was! Dancing! Looking pretty cool. And the problem when bumping into people like that randomly can be that the mind might issue a signal that this situation could be indeed fate. It’s meant to be! Here we are again! Together!
Well. I guess it could be fate – but it might not be for the reason one might think. It could also indeed just be random. Because you like the same music and scenes can actually be quite small. But at the time I obviously in my drunken haze must of thought it was fate. In the positive sense of the word. I mean this was a big festival and here we were in the middle of a field dancing within a metre of each other in a foreign country. Anyway, so there we were dancing together. Again. And my mates taking the hint. Head off, leaving us together. So hand in hand… we move on to the dance tent. But here is where I am forced to relearn the life lesson of why we weren’t suited in the first place.. as he suddenly starts dancing and grinding with all the other girls in the room. And I stand there for a bit… like a wally. Watching. Drunk and alone I leave… and must pay the price by stumbling miles back to my tent in complete regret that I left my mates for this.. this loser!
So perhaps a year after that was the awful implementation of facebook. And because he’d ignored me so much every time we were together I was surprised to get an add from him and a request to meet up in Camden as we were both now working in London. I was unsure. But…a few years had passed and maybe he’d changed. I worked and lived in Camden so what harm could it do?
A few drinks later and he’s having a go at one of my work colleagues who we’d bumped into calling him uncouth names. Apologizing I drag him off to the Good Mixer.. where he goes off yet again to talk to everyone else in the room. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t mind this behaviour of randomly talking and socialising with people at all.. as long as I get to be involved. But at this point I am alone. Again. And a bit drunk. And I catch the sight of a girl I’d seen in a new music video. I was working at this point as a music researcher. And this girl was heralded to be the next big thing. She was also alone. And also seemed pretty drunk. So I started up a conversation. Not a very intellectual one mind you.
“Didn’t I see you in a music video.. blah blah blah”… “yeah…” she replies we’re hanging out both alone by the pool table. She starts putting in pound coins so people can play. How nice of her I remember thinking. And shortly after that…she shot to fame. Her name was Amy Winehouse.
“Becki come on for facks sake!” the guy I’m with shouts at me from the pub door. “Bye..” I remember mumbling to the girl and I stumbled out the door wondering what to do about this silly boy.
The next time I would see her she would be at the height of her fame…perhaps bigger than anyone could have ever envisaged.. standing on a stage at V-Festival.. one of the most pain staking gigs I have ever witnessed as the obvious toll of drugs had taken over her body.
And this guy? Well…obviously we didn’t really gel did we? But it’s that time again and I’ve just had my yearly message inviting me for a drink. And…well sometimes…I guess men chase not because they want you but because they can’t have you.
And so I reply… Look. We… just don’t. Get. On.
THE LAW OF CHANGE:
“History repeats itself until we learn the lessons that we need to change our path”